This week I got a chance to speak to three men of different ages. One was just entering a new realm of life at 13 years old; another entering legal adulthood, and the realm of legally being called a man at 17, going on 18 years old; and the third in his 50's. There are vast differences between 13 and 18, being 22 myself I can still look back and remember those formative 6 years leading up to legal adulthood, and even from four years ago being 18 to now, there are vast differences in who I am. I can only imagine the vast differences from where I am now to where I'll be, and who I'll be in 28 years at the age of 50.
At 13 I started Junior High, and I started growing facial hair (to my friends in their 20's who still can't, you should probably be jealous), my voice began to grow deeper, my height continued to increase (and eventually surpassed my Dad's height at 5'8", where I currently stand at 6'0"). This is the age when us guys, notice girls.
At 17, I was getting ready to graduate my senior year of High School, applying to colleges, and picking what I wanted to be when I grow up. Which when compared to the direction I'm heading in now, is a bit different.
I'll let you know what 50 is when I get there.
The reason I lay out these differences is simple, in that, even though with all these little differences setting the demographics apart, so on and so forth, they all had one key similarity. They all had fathers. This is where I pose my question, can a person with one or both of their parents, be an orphan still?
A common thing I heard with these three men was "I think my Dad loved me" or "My Dad just isn't/wasn't around". Nothing against moms, mine is amazing; there is something absolutely pertinent about a Father's presence. A father's presence is, I dare-say, a necessity.
In women that have grown up without fathers or even some form of father figure, they went out seeking, not always consciously, sometimes sub-concsously, that male love; as in their heart was an incompleteness, a longing, and often a lie, that they couldn't be loved by a man, or a distorted view of love from a man.
In men, there is a different, albeit just as devastating affect. Quite often there was no positive reinforcement on a proper male model. There was an unsureness as to exactly what a man, and what manliness was. This created a obscure self identity. While I don't completely agree with gender roles, there is a reason men and women are made different, there need to be differences.
Looking at my own parents, as I was lucky enough to have both of them in my life. My mom was always the more tender, compassionate one; whereas my dad was stricter, and sterner. Both love me, and I know it; there is no question there. The compassion of my mom, and discipline of my dad created balance, and allowed me to become a balanced human being. I can show compassion when someone is in need, and sternness where it need be applied.
Back to the issue of Fatherlessness, these three men had a lack of solidity in their identity. All relating back to the lack of a solid father figure, or a stable father figure where abuse of substances and/or people were involved. They had unsureness of who they were, because there wasn't a father molding them in a proper way. There was a brokenness, and for anyone that knows me, when someone starts crying, I tend to get a little leaky.
Phrases like "I think my Dad loved me, but he just didn't show it.", "I just wish my Dad was there for me some times", and "I don't know what's wrong with me" (in relation to fatherly absence), are ones that should never even be thought about. The lack of a father is NOT YOUR FAULT.
These men grew up with a dad, or their dad was alive, just somewhere that wasn't where he should've been. And yet, I found on these men, an orphaned spirit. An orphan simply, is a person or thing, deprived of protection, position, etc. So even though there was a man that produced the DNA for the child, the child was deprived of a real father. Therein my question, and an answer, can a person with one or both parents still be an orphan? Yes, they can, as they're deprived of a father's love.
This is where things turn around, God makes a promise in His word. He is a Father, to the fatherless.
Psalm 68:5, Deut.10:18. Psalm 10:14
When Jesus was about to be crucified, He cried out ABBA FATHER! (Mark 13:33-36). When a child is afraid, they'll often cry out Mommy, Daddy. That's quite like what Jesus was doing in this passage, was crying out to His dad. Not because He was a sissy, I just need to say that. Although, He had some fear, knowing what was about to transpire, I think that's allowed given the circumstances.
In the same way, we can cry out Abba Father to God, and He will answer, He will come to us. James 4:8 tells us that when we come close to Him, He will come close to us. I see a lot of comfort in that; that the God of the Universe, can be called Daddy, and that He will draw near to you, and that He loves you.
For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him would not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16
Begotten means His own flesh and blood. He gave His flesh and blood son, to save His fallen child. Ephesians calls us adopted children, and in Jewish culture, an adopted child had more right than a flesh and blood child. The biological child could be disowned, removed from an inheritance, anything, but an adopted child, could not. Once the child was adopted, it was ALWAYS a part of that family and inheritance. God wants to know us, and us to know him, deeply. He desires to be a Father; for He loves us.
